Blog entry for:

by which i can recognize my false limitations for what they are. lies, self-reinforcing self-destructive feedback loops that prevent me from seeing much less reaching the vision of the man i have always wanted to be. quite a jump from the rather non-committal tone that the reading took, although the examples were evidence enough of how damaging these limitations are for me.
the question is not, how were these formed and put into place, nor is it how are they affecting me today, mo the real question is, what exactly do i wish to do about them? after all, this is a program of action, and the many times i sat on my ass and whined about how terrible all of this was and was not, what it was i was whining about was not suddenly removed from me. these days, i am coming around to the realization that days and days of whines and roses do nothing except make what i am whining about even more entrenched. that includes bunches of stuff, including all the delusional and destructive limitations i place upon myself.
i know that there are many in fellowship that need to get to why this and that exists within them, i know i was one of those. as time passes, i become less and less concerned about the HOW and WHY i have something that i need to work on, and more focused on WHAT to do to relieve it. so when a reading comes around with definitive suggestions about getting rid of something, i jump for joy. there is also a part of me that needs to evaluate whether or not a limitation is self-imposed, or is part of the reality in which i live today. this is where the tricky part begins -- what is practical, what is possible and what is beyond the realm of reality is a very fine line. since the nature of these self-imposed limitations is based on dishonesty with myself, so what can i do to get past that. well a thorough FOURTH Step is one way, and sharing it with my sponsor as part of a FIFTH Step continues that process. even more, for me, stopping the incessant chatter of self talk once or twice a day in meditation allows me to reach within myself, and hear what is really going on inside me. so in that vein, let me take a quick inventory:

1. run 10K in under 53 minutes -- probable and achievable -- as long as i keep doing my daily workouts
2. run a mile in under 5 minutes -- possible but not highly likely
3. become an Olympic Class sprinter -- well at 52 years old, this is a limitation imposed upon me by my physical reality

of course, those examples are artificial and do not apply to the world in general, but they give you a clue about how my mind works. i look at the most extreme example and scale it back to where it becomes probable, and start from there. as i do the work to remove these limitations, sometimes what was not possible becomes probable and that which i believed was beyond my grasp becomes possible. as long as i am breathing and capable of making the choices that lead to a healthier me: spiritually, emotionally and physically i can overcome any of the silly limitations i have imposed upon myself, one day at a time.
so anyhow, time to take the dawg out for a trot and let myself have a very easy day on the streets -- part of working to be a better me, means that i alos give myself a break, as needed.

∞ DT ∞