Blog entry for:

i can examine and reexamine my old ideas, keeping only those that might actually be of use to me. this is a bit out of order this morning, as like a good obsessive addict i got involved in another project before i decided to work out. the reading spoke about limitations and although letting go of my unrealistic limitations, is a worthy task on any day, what i really heard this morning was letting go of my ideas about who and what i am. this theme has been coming up a lot lately during my evening application of the TENTH STEP, and to now appear as part of my ELEVENTH STEP, means that something is going one that actually demands my attention, and i mean my full conscious attention. a process has been kicked off, as i sit in my FIRST STEP, and although i am not quite sure what that process may be, other than the STEP working me, as it is wont to do.
the work i have been doing with my sponsees over the past week, could be part of what is going on, i participated in a SEVENTH STEP, help prepare an addict to work his FIRST, listened to an indirect amend and got to hear how the SIXTH STEP was working in the life of a sponsee preparing to finish his SEVENTH STEP. then of course, there is all the political drama going on inside and around me, which of course oi want to pick up and make even more chaotic and unpredictable. not to mention the news of more than one addict's life falling apart, because he just cannot surrender to the reality of his life and situation. all of this running through my head way before seven o'clock this morning.
sitting here , recovering from a light workout day, i am struck by how silly i can really be at times. yes i am being worked over by a step, that is the nature of this process as i know it. since i choose to put as much of me as i can spare in any one moment into my recovery, the end result is i get much more our than i expect. in the great continuum of the here and now, it is up to me to slice out what i need from my past and use it today. i may never become a world class runner, and that is okay today, i run because i want a better quality of life, today and down the road. i may never become a saint, which is also okay today, i do the next right thing, just because it is the next right thing to do. i may never become president of the united states, and that is okay also, as it is not a job i desire today. BUT, just for TODAY, i do not need to be an active addict or a passive recovering addict, I CAN AND WILL CHOOSE to actively pursue recovery and allow the results to be revealed as the day goes on, and not because i expect some reward, BUT because i want to be able to have the same choice in the morning, tomorrow.
so it off to the showers and then some work, some fun, some relaxation and who knows what else the day may bring, today i can be open to what comes my way.

∞ DT ∞