Blog entry for:

sadly, those who need this do not always find their way to the rooms. however, as always, the choice to become a member is made in the heart of each individual addict. the events of this morning makes this reading both very apt and more than a bit ironic. as one of my many personae, i received an e-mail from a person in Texas, who wished our fellowship to reach out to her using son and invite him to one of our meetings. it is always difficult for me to grit my teeth and answer with the pat party line about attraction not promotion and the desire to stop using as the only requirement for membership. as a trusted servant i can do no less, and as an addict i realize that following the spiritual principles that have protected our fellowship for so long, is the only way for me to go. the irony? well i am sitting here today with four thousand four hundred and seventy six days clean, after being forced to come to meetings by the justice system. i am the exception to the rule, and among the rarely to recover from coerced meeting attendance. even with the sword of a prison sentence over my head, i was unwilling and angry, and somehow i GOT grace enough to be at least the tiniest bit willing, or i would not be here today, opining about writing e-mails as a trusted servant.
anyhow, how i got here is unimportant. i have already gone on and on about my emotional and mental state upon arrival in the rooms, so i need not write about that today either. what i heard this morning was something from left field, something that filled me with gratitude and something that i will carry forward this morning. what i heard was, even though i was FORCED to attend meetings, and FORCED to stay clean under severe, at least to me, consequences, the members of the fellowship did not FORCE me to decide to stay here, nor did they shove a BASIC Text down my throat and force me to swallow this program in its entirety, without questions. they loved me, they welcomed me, they provided an example of what life in recovery could be and most importantly they gave me enough information so that i could decided in my head, in my heart and in my very being that this was a manner of living that i desired. their love and attention was what changed angry and resistance into willingness and open-mindedness. their patience gave me the freedom to see what i needed to see and become what i needed to become. today i am clean as a result and have the desire to work a program of ACTIVE recovery, to walk my talk, to use a cliché. because of all that i am a grateful addict this morning who is recovering one day at a time.
although i could go on and on, i do believe the time has come to proceed on my daily tour of the neighborhood and see how my cold is progressing. i want so much more today than mere survival and as a result i will do whatever it takes to thrive, one more day! so off to the streets i go with a lightened heart, secure in the knowledge that at least in this instance i am doing the next right thing.

∞ DT ∞