Blog entry for:

i will take time out in the day to appreciate the handiwork of a HIGHER POWER. which this morning does not seem to be a more spiritual me. i just got off a help line call, with one of the most unpleasant feelings. no matter what i thought, no matter how carefully i trod, i could not make a difference in the life of the addict on the other end. while i could make a million excuses, and blame him, what it boils down to, is that i could not get past my own crap to be more spiritual.
so it is back to the drawing board this morning. after a quick break, and some time to ponder, i guess i am human after all, dang it, and i do not always react in a manner that is consistent with the principles of the program that has given me the chance to be where i am today, in Grand Junction getting ready to see a possible site for our convention in October.
this moment has been brought to me, because i practice a program that has allowed my dead spirit to be resurrected. i use that term, because i am certain that before i used i did have a spirit that was connected to the world around me, that which i can see and well as that which i cannot. the use of substances and the act of living in active addiction, slowly slayed that spirit and put into me into such dire straits, that even i believed i was beyond redemption, if that notion ever crossed my mind.
today, i will celebrate my recovery, i will make my best effort to be a part of this fellowship and most of all i will drink my cup of spiritual java juice to wake up my slumbering spirit one more time. i will walk through the fear i have about being a fraud and being incapable of performing the task at hand and live in the FAITH, that i was brought here today, for some reason, and even if that reason eludes me, i can be secure in the knowledge that it is where i am supposed to be.
back to the books and preparing to be a business person, it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞