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interestingly, the reading is about spiritual awakenings, and today is my first day on the 12TH STEP, more than a bit of synchronicity there, or could it be recovery-based quantum entanglement? no matter, what i do know, is that today, i am hopefully embarked on a journey that will last less than fourteen months this time, but as the adage goes, time will tell.
what i felt last night was a “lightness of being,” that i have felt in the past, but this time it was different. as i talked to my sponsor, i suddenly came to the conclusion that the length of time i spent on my 11TH step, was necessary for me. for me to come to an understanding that the abundance that i am offered by the POWER that fuels my recovery, is NOT material, but spiritual, took fourteen months to take that eighteen inch journey from my head to my heart. as such, one could say that is part of a the spiritual awakening, and i would agree. had i stopped any sooner, moved on through force of will, i am not sure that i would have received all the offerings the 11TH STEP was giving to me.
the drive home, was at first quite uneventful, as i drove with the flow of traffic, just being one, as it were, with the drivers around me. as i approached the last leg of my journey, a compact car zipped around me and the other vehicles that occupied the three lanes, in a hurry to get somewhere. that driver caused an accident about a quarter mile ahead of me, that left an SUV on its side, after it hit the center barrier. that driver chose to drive on, without considering the damage done as was gone. i had time enough to slow down and avoid causing any more damage, and i did not stop, as other had already done so. the incident shook me up though, it is not often that i am a witness to a traffic accident, but could not provide any details as to what i saw. as much as i try and be present for my life, i lacked the clarity to provide any details to help apprehend the driver of that car, and i see it as a metaphor about how my life can be out of control, when self-will takes over. no, the accident was not meant to give me a lesson, nor was it engineered just for me, but i took a lesson from it that did not present itself with any sort of clarity until this morning.
what i heard this morning, was that when i live my life, weaving and bobbing to get past the obstacles and people in my life, i can and often do cause damage. this “hit and run” mentality of living, is not something that happens frequently any more, but is certainly part of my repertoire. my journey to this 12TH step, has been slow, arduous and for some reason quite painstaking. the distance i put between myself and my peers, as i explored this path, has been removed. once again i can use terms such as GOD, loving and caring, without cringing, or better still without feeling that i have compromised my spiritual path. i needed that time to bridge the gap i created between the path i am set upon and what the path of many of my peers, seem to be on. more importantly i need that time to realize that as i become whole, the pieces may need lots of rearrangement, to fit into the new vision of who i am becoming.
all of that and more, is part of the wakening i have had as a result of this step cycle, and although there have been drum-rolls, thunderclaps or burning bushes along the way, i am certain that there has been more than one awakening, it is up to me to quantify those and turn them into a form that i can share with my peers, as suggested by the 12TH STEP. it is a great day to be clean and to be moving in a direction that provides me a path that allows me to recognize the abundance in my life.

∞ DT ∞