Blog entry for:

well you all know what comes next, i will launch into a description of what my spiritual awakening was and is and then sound all grateful for having had one, with a small diversion into where i came from.
OR
i will start by saying i have had more than one spiritual awakening, as a result of the steps, and those continue to make a difference in my life, in so many ways. which is really the case. yes, i am grateful for the glimpses i have been given into the divine and the nature of the world beyond the profane and mundane one in which i live. there are days when i wish i could withdraw from the so-called real world, and just pursue a spiritual path. then of course there are days where i feel this whole spiritual side of life is a bunch of bullsh!t and want to live solely in the material world. the fact that i can feel so diametrically opposite viewpoints, is the result of working the steps. when i got here, the material world was my single concern, and satisfying my every need and want was my sole goal on a daily basis. even though it was getting high, and staying high to live in the normal world, i was content, as i knew nothing else. yes, it is true, life as an active addict left me in a world that was dull, gray and without any mystery or wonder.
so the very first spiritual awakening i has, was quite the shock, as i finally looked around me and noticed there was life beyond the end of my nose, and i COULD be a part of it, rather than apart from it. the spiritual side, mine and what i can see, has only grown form there, until today, i cannot imagine the world without its spiritual counterpart, the dark matter that is needed to hold this whole gig together and to balance the equations. unlike the dark matter that is only theorized by astrophysicists, i can see the effect of this unmeasurable and undetectable side of life. i am more than i ever was, and becoming more than i ever thought was possible, and that in and of itself is enough to sustain me for today.
as i am running way behind schedule this morning, i do believe i will get in the shower and hit the streets. i am awakening today to the new possibilities that recovery does have to offer, my job is to listen and feel my way to the next right thing, which i am willing to do, at least for right now.

∞ DT ∞