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be more spiritually aware simply by living my life. so another night of tossing and turning because i gave a teeny-tiny, ignorant, self-seeker power over me. this morning as i sat, i realized that that person is not worth one iota of my personal power and if the only means i have to keep from giving them that power, is to step away, so be it. i certainly “loved” their sideways digs at me and their attempts to silence my opinion. if that is how the game is going to be played, and it certainly looks like it may be, then i will stop playing. it really is as simple as that. after two years of marking time, it is time for me to move along.
it was a good thing that as i sat this morning, that bubbled up from the depths, and was let go, as i what i heard after dealing with that nasty bit of me, was that i am really better than that. no not them, i am better than needing to “get even” or “cast shade” on anyone in a public forum, because in the long and short run, the only opinion of who and what i am, that really matters is my own. i do not need an echo chamber to validate my beliefs, nor do i need to pretend that i am listening when i certainly know that i am not. what also came up from the depths is the notion that i also need to stop letting my job hunt consume my life. yes it is imperative that i find a position. yes, answering the recruiter calls and e-mails will lead to a new position, but if i am short or brusque with them, they will stop calling and i really do not want that to happen. the notion that came up was to strike a balance between work and self. i am sure that if i had been secure in my job, i would have not felt the need to waste my personal power on such a cockroach last night.
so what is my next move? some leftovers for lunch, taking the dog for a walk and grabbing my laptop and heading to my local brick&mortar to enjoy a cigar and do some training. i need to allow this day to unfold as it will and stop putting so much emphasis on THE OUTCOME i desire. that outcome? to find a new position and get the paychecks flowing in again! 🥇

∞ DT ∞