Some memes

for me, recognition of spiritual awakenings comes gradually and oh, so subtly. changed my mind and sent all that i just wrote into the bit bucket with extreme prejudice. this whole spiritual side of life and recovery gig, sometimes manages to overwhelm me. not from its immensity nor from its very nature, t=rather the way the daily readings seem to harp on it for days in a row. a little when about having to think about this whole GOD thing one more morning before heading out for what promises to be a full day for me. the reading promises to be about recognizing a spiritual awakening, but seems to be more about fostering a spiritual awakening by for evidence of GOD. i know that GOD is part of the spiritual side of recovery, at least what i see and feel GOD to be, BUT (and it is really a big one) GOD is not the whole enchilada, in fact for me, GOD is a bit player in most of my spiritual life, and that in and of itself is a spiritual awakening of sorts.
if that last line offends your sensibilities, you better stop reading now, or maybe you should listen with a bit more fervor as to what i am about say, as i explain that statement. the POWER that fuels my recovery, is part of my recovery, in fact IT is where i get the power to stay clean, day after day. the spiritual side of my life entails so much more than asking and listening, as i maintain and exercise that relationship, although paying attention is certainly part of that. i am not subservient, nor am i a slave to something that comes off as a superstitious concept still to my rational mind. the partnership i have developed with the POWER that fuels my recovery, is just that a partnership. in which i participate and am the powerless one. i do not pretend to know thew mind of GOD, as i do not see the POWER that fuels my recovery as having a mind, in fact, more and more, i am less comfortable speaking of that POWER as if it had some sort of superhuman form and attributes. the days of “superman” GOD are coming to an end, and just as “santa” GOD was replaced by something greater and less defined, i have FAITH that my understanding will deepen to where i feel secure again. although as this process happens, i hardly feel insecure today. i may not know how or why, but i am certain i will get everything i NEED to stay clean today, and if i accept those gifts and use them, i WILL be a better man. so how does one recognize a spiritual awakening? well for me, it usually comes with a cosmic two by four slap upside my head, or sneaks in so quietly that when i see it, it has way passed. right now the two by four is hitting me time and again, to let go of what i think and be ready for what i need to hear. so what i am hearing and feeling, is that it is time to get moving and get some stuff done, after all, GOD is watching me wake up!

∞ DT ∞