Blog entry for:

the reading this morning suggested among other actions to take today that i reflect on my spiritual awakening, strive for God consciousness and take time out of my day to appreciate the handiwork of my Higher Power.
starting at the top of the list, my spiritual awakening has actually been a series of small realizations and "GOD-shots." most recently i have discovered that most of what i fear lately is not based in reality and is actually a function of what i do not want to do. since willingness is one of the basic three spiritual principles of this program, i have substituted fear for a lack of willingness and because i say i am afraid i do not have to own the fact that i am actually unwilling. with the completion of my latest assignment i have seen that my fears are groundless and are truly based in the disease of addiction and not on the path to recovery.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

what a concept wrapping emotions around a behavior to disguise the fact that i am not practicing a basic principle in all of my affairs. very insidious. the second part of the latest awakening is that although i realize that i am not infallible and people can survive and yes even thrive without my presence, that i do need to be there when they choose to reach out. i cannot allow my pettiness and human frailties to separate me from those in my life that want or need whatever i have. after receiving a panic call last night i felt very grateful that i do have a few tools, people who care and the comfort of my home group to fall back on when i am in trouble and need to share my burden of pain!
i am totally blown away that just for today i do not have use, no matter what, and if another addict reaches out i can be present to share my experience. strength and hope.
∞ DT ∞