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to reach my destination, no matter what i think it might be, i must do the footwork. well this has been one of those mornings, where reaching this particular destination has been difficult, it seems that no matter how much work i did, i still had more to do, before i could stop, pause and pound out this brain drain.
where am i going? an excellent question literally and figuratively. next week i am going to the tropics for some down time with my honey. today? well not far, into town for some errands, perhaps a morning in a smoke filled room, without a doubt to a meeting room for a bit of service and a sit down with a sponsee, maybe a trip to Loveland. i do know that is not what the reading is talking about, although it is fun to feign ignorance every now and again. the destination(s) the reading is speaking about are the byproducts of my new manner of living. getting clean, as tough as it was for me, was just my first footfall towards achieving what i have. nothing i have today was just given to me, all of it was earned through my hard work and perseverance. perseverance? yes, i persevered through those early months of abstinence when all i wanted to do is use, when every fiber of my being screamed for the release through chemical bliss. persevering through the pain of change and growth, that working and being worked by the steps brings. most of all, persevering through the ups and downs of life on its own terms. staying on this path through thick and thin has allowed me the ability to take a vacation to the tropics. it has given deep and lasting relationships, and it has made me begin to feel for the first time in my life, like a whole person. this journey is far from over, and my hard work is not complete. i can understand this and accept this today, even though i am still the sort of person that would not mind being handed something on a figurative silver platter. i am still the sort of person who desires instant results. i am still the sort of person who has the ability to believe that this is as good as it gets and quit trying.
all of that is the part of me i call addiction raging its little battles against the part of me that desires to be something more. be that as it may, i want to look good next week on the beach and a side-effect of my desire to live a longer, healthier life is a diminishing gut. as i want the gut to disappear, i need to do the literal footwork and go pound out s few miles through then neighborhood. so for right now, i will do what it takes to get what i want today.

∞ DT ∞