Blog entry for:

to a better way of life is something i always desired, but the life i thought i wanted was only a addiction-fueled fantasy. what i got instead was the path to a life that allows me to be fulfilled and have the opportunities to get that which i most desire. what i most desire changes day-to-day, but the general shape of it, is to live my life in a comfortable manner, materially, emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually. not all that much, in the big scheme of things🙻
over the past few days, i have been wondering about how to broach the subject of footwork, with one of the men i sponsor. he is not the first sponsee i have thought was slacking in their desire to get better, but he desires more of my resources than many of the other men i sponsor. when i arrived home on Wednesday night, i was ready to fire off an unpleasant letter basically outlining how he fails to meet my expectations. i deferred to my better judgement and allowed myself the freedom to let my over-reactive part, settle down. sitting here this morning after the meeting i attended last night, i know that the letter needs to be written and sent and it certainly needs to lay out what i am feeling and a path forward in our current relationship, at least from my side. whether or not he wants to hear or acknowledge what i say, is outside of my control. whether or not he will respond in a constructive manner, rather than getting all butt-hurt and defensive, may not be in my control, but can be tempered about how i choose to express myself. doing the footwork to get to a place where i can do exactly that, frame my observations and expectations in a manner that allows him the freedom to respond, rather than react, is a process that started two days ago when i chose not to fire off the anger-filled missive addressing his unrealistic expectations of who and what i am.
this morning, as the dawg and i traipse through the neighborhood, i will be considering how to activate that part of him that wants recovery and is willing to do what it takes. i know that i own a huge part of the way things are, as more than i chose the easier softer way, rather than being firm about what this recovery gig is all about. i cannot judge the desire of another addict to get clean, stay clean and find a new manner of living. i can remind them that willingness without action is fantasy and does nothing to foster a new manner of living. just for today, i am willing to take action and do the footwork, i need to do, to foster my journey to a better way of living.

∞ DT ∞