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but i tend to minimize the fact that they had only gotten those things after months and years of working the steps and living life on its own terms.
all the payoffs, none of the work, what a concept! it just happens to be near the top on my all-time favorite playlist, so when this reading comes around i certainly GET IT! ironically another addict called me yesterday and was complaining about not having any friends and being lonely. my question, which was met with a stunned silence, was when was the last time you were at a meeting of our fellowship and did you reach out to the members who were in attendance? when the sonic boom of their head being removed from a place the sun never shines, finally receded, they went into a song and dance about how socially awkward they were and …
i get the whole being a social retard bit, as it is part of who i am. i also get the everyone is supposed to flock to my house and reach out to me bit, as well. i may understand all of that, but the major lessons i have been learning from this trip through the steps, is how to be a part of society, my fellowship and the human race in general. as much as i want people to beat a path to my door, i still battle with the notion of only when i want them to do so. yes friends on MY terms, under MY control and like a spigot that can be turned on and off on my whim. what i am learning is that friends are not under my control and the manipulation i came to so easily way back when and that echoes through my mind as a possible behavior today, just makes me feel slimy, and i do not want to feel like i just slimed myself.
if i want respect, i have to be respectful. if i want friends, i have to be a friend. if i want others in my life to share time with me, i have to be willing to give them my time as well. most importantly if i want more from my relationships, whether i am dealing with my peers, my friends or my family, then i have to do the fVcking footwork, and ALLOW the results to flow into my life. i have said it more than once, there is a consequence for every action, and the consequences for reaching out and making an effort, may just end up having people in my life that are willing to have my back, share their time with and yes just hang out.
anyhow, enough of the stump this morning, time to shower off and get rolling through my Saturday. it is after all a great day to do the footwork i need to do to stay clean and be a part of the world around me.

∞ DT ∞