Blog entry for:

ah, what a great day to be alive, more about that later
on the topic of the reading, i have often been confused about the part uniformity plays in unity. this confusion comes from culture (if you are not for us, you are against us) and some of the garbage i brought with me when i came to the rooms (how can i be a part of something when i am so different from the rest of you). mostly it comes from my defects of characters, namely self-righteousness and arrogance. these defects make me believe that not only is there only one "right" way to do something, but that i know it!
you know, i really do not have that many answers and the ones i do possess are mostly in error. as i grow in my knowledge of the traditions and the program i am opening up to the idea that even though i share a common goal, "to carry the message to the addict who still suffers", with many others how i choose to act towards this is often much different than everyone else. and this is okay this morning. as long as i and everyone else approach this goal within the framework of the spiritual principles that have been given to us, i can be one in my efforts despite having different ideas on the methods of doing so.
and that for me sums up the unity/ uniformity question.
on a personal note, i woke-up this morning with my obsession to play a silly computer game relieved. although the time i have spent over the past days could have been spent better, i needed to once again feel what obsession and compulsion can do to me. it was no different than using, once i started i could not stop and when i was not playing, my mind was consumed by finding the ways and means to play more. now i am in a better place to once again carry the message because the behavior is fresh in my mind. the experience was more than a little frightening, even though i knew what i was doing on an intellectual level, on an emotional and spiritual level i was powerless. i did not eat, drink, sleep very well and all my thoughts were turned towards getting back to playing as soon as possible. i was unable to be present for the people in my life and isolated into the simulated world controlled by my mouse and keyboard. when playing, i could be somewhere else and feel something more. filling that GOD shaped hole with bits and bytes.
... so it goes, i woke up this morning and the desire to jump right back into my game was gone and here i am present once more for the world around me. truly an astounding and eye-opening conclusion to a week of returning to the state i walked in here in.
thank GOD that the whole shebang was relatively painless and harmless this time. i believe that this little episode was necessary for my growth and to remind me of the true depths that me disease can take me.
and for the experience and the relief i am grateful this morning.
∞ DT ∞