Blog entry for:

of life works for me on a daily basis. the past twenty-four hours have been quite interesting for me. although i am still sorting everything out, this morning, it feels as if they were good ones. i had a job interview that felt more like a sale pitch. i heard the story of a peer who has spent most of their clean-time away from the fellowship. i met with a sponsee who seems to be “getting” the fact that when he stays clean and is doing what his doctor suggests, he is rewarded with a life full of positive consequences. of course lest i forget:

Joel H.
Four (4) years clean!
Congrats my friend.
Thanks for being a part of my recovery.

it is ironic that i am wondering where another newcomer who has asked me to be his sponsor is, when a year ago i was pondering a similar question. that topic, while certainly one that would yield some fruit, if i chose to walk down that path, is not what popped off the stack this morning. no for me, the “burning bush” today is a question posed yesterday in the meeting: why do i stay?
what i said yesterday when i shared, was that for the most part i fell in love with Step 11 on my last round of steps. that is certainly true. up until that last round Step 11 was a drudgery to be tolerated and i never seemed to “get” anything out of all the effort i put into it. in other words, i was not getting the rewards i expected. when i gave up trying to have a HIGHER POWER that looked like that of my peers and accepted what i knew in my heart was the path for me, <BOOM> i found that being consistent wand doing something that did not seem to be working, actually prepared me for my spiritual path, moving forward. i “got” serenity, a sense of connecting to SOMETHING greater than me, the means to frame my day in quiet and a certainty that i was doing the next right thing, for me anyhow. while it is true that i still has a few mental gymnastics left to perform, in order to “fit” with my peers, they ended-up being mere formalities and hardly worth any stress or angst, in either the short or long run. in fact all the effort i spent in trying to fit this square peg into the round hole of what i perceived to be the “correct” spiritual path, allowed me to step forward onto my new path and integrate one more piece of my fractured self into the whole of me.
my “ZOOM” sponsee? well i hope he finds a path that works for him. i can only offer what someone is willing to take and the days of me chasing someone down, are long gone. this morning i feel the flow of my life and my energy needs to be directed to buying into the employment pitch i was given yesterday, into providing what i can provide for my parents and into giving away what i have to those who truly want it. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to be sure of the direction my recovery is taking my life.

∞ DT ∞