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as i sit here this morning, running a bit late, due to some major fires i had to unexpectedly put-out, as it were, i wonder about this whole unity not uniformity idea. of course, what the reading is speaking of, is my participation in the group. the unity i am a part of is not how i do or do not work a program, but how i help the groups i am a part of, carry the message. it is true, that the fellowship that has saved my life, has no opinion on any outside issues. that does not mean that i cannot have an opinion, in fact drug replacement therapy, is NOT abstinence, and should not be counted as clean-time. that is, my opinion, would i ever stand-up and yank a chip out of another member's hand, if i knew they were on Suboxone? of course not, no matter how great the temptation and no matter how much i feel their actions hurt the fellowship. whether or not they consider themselves clean, is between God, their sponsor and them. i have been thinking lately, that if i change my sponsor to another fellowship, more focused on a substance i too, could keep my clean time and start using medical marijuana. it really is that simple, and i know of it going on all the time, in that other fellowship. however, for me, being who and what i am, that is only the part of me i call addiction looking for the loopholes. what i did not know way back when i walked away form that fellowship, but i realize today, is for me, the program is not at all about what or how much i i used, it is about what i want to do about my addiction today.
it is not the lack of substances in my life that makes me better, it is the unity of purpose and message that the group brought to me, when i was finally ready to hear it. my program may be on the very conservative side, at least as seen through the eyes of my sponsorship family, i do not stray far from the oral tradition form that lineage, BUT, that does not prevent me from having every strong opinions and spewing them out here and with those i socialize with, after the meeting. having opinions and sharing them, does not divert me from supporting the unity of purpose of the group. no matter what, i can carry the message that recovery is possible, to the addict who still suffers, whether that addict has 15 minutes or 15 years clean. that is the primary purpose of the group, not to coddle and welcome the newcomer. not to provide a safe environment to try out new and different behaviors. not to provide a meeting place for your next mate, or new boss. while all of that may happen, when i support the notion of unity, of carrying the message, none of that should be part of anyone's expectations. it is as it is, unity means i support the primary purpose and do my utmost to uphold it. of course i fall short, and the group cannot and more than likely will not fill every single members' needs, every single meeting. for me to expect that the group will ALWAYS be this or that for me, is not much different than believing i could smoke a joint once a day for my chronic pain, and not want to do something more.that too, is what it is, and now it is time for me to get rolling down the highway to work. tonight, if i share, i will carry the message that no matter what, i stay clean, one day at a time and there is no qualification about what i do or do not use, to add to that statement.

∞ DT ∞