Blog entry for:

of uniformity, is what attracted me to this fellowship to start with, long before oi became a member and is what keeps me coming back. i was exposed, quite early in my recovery career to thew **cookie cutter** approach to recovery and i have to admit, it kept me clean for long enough to realize i wanted a sh!t ton more than i was being offered. i cannot stay clean on slogans, bumper-stickers, bon mots and sales pitches, so when the time came that i NEEDED to commit to a recovery program i ended up where i still get my recovery to this day. what i have to give away, was born from that experience, which is why i do not pepper my shares with **SUZIE SUNSHINE** sort of spiels. the fact is, i have stayed clean and i have peers who have stayed clean for decades on end, that in and of itself is evidence that i made the correct choice, way back when.
over the course of my journey, i have made more than a few deep friendships and i get joy watching those men get some clean time. i am not one of those who seeks out the FNG to be a part of my life, but sometimes it just happens.

Joel H,
THREE (3) years clean!
Congrats, my friend, i am glad you found us,
and became a intregal part of our fellowship.

with that in mind, what came to the top of the surface as i sat this morning, was the request to sponsor another new guy. i may not sit down with him until Saturday, but the red flags are popping up all over and of course none of them, actually have to do with him. most of the time, the new guys that have been “around” for a while, seem to shy away from me, with good reason, i have seen them operate and formed opinions on whether or not i think they can “get” this. they too, have seen me in operation and i am certain have judged me as well. all of that is water under the bridge, in this case anyhow, what i “heard” is that he has lied to me in the past and as a result, how can i ever believe anything he says? he has already been convicted in my head, i am just waiting for the execution to commence. when we get together, there is a whole lot of stuff that needs to be carefully considered, the first and most important one being: why do i care if he lies to me in the future, after all i know a recovery based on lies will not get very far. BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! the palace i NEED to get to, is a place of being able to give him what i have and let go of my expectations of him, all of them, without reservations. i have some days to allow that to percolate through and come to a place where i will know if i can or cannot sponsor him. that notion, right here and right now, is one that i can leave in the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞