โ there are times in my recovery, that the old bugaboos may return to haunt me โ
Posted: Sat, Mar 12, 2011 08:36:36 AM
life may again become meaningless, monotonous, and boring. how sweet the mundane, monotony of living in recovery or do i really long for a return to the spontaneous life of chaos that was part of the drab landscape of active addiction. the irony here is, that in reality my life min active addiction was far more predictable and monotonous, than my life today. every day was part of my weekly pattern, with very little change, in fact i worked to keep my routine of active using quite the same. sure, i stirred up drama and chaos to disguise the fact of how monotonous my life really was. sure early recovery was a roller-coaster of emotions, events and life flying at me at life's speed, but even that had a sameness to it, i knew it was going to happen and although i dreaded it, i did my best to establish a routine. i am one of those, who crave predictability and consistency in my life, despite my arguments to the contrary, speaking of predictability:
i am often tempted to ignore what this reading says, because i am of the type that likes knowing what life is bringing from day to day. i am certain that i looked over my writings for this reading i have often missed the point, but today the point i heard went beyond boring and predictable. what i heard is that i can be MORE, IF I LOOK TO BE MORE. my life can be fuller and richer, if i have the slightest bit of courage and step out from behind the curtain of routine. my Spanish tutor is sitting gathering dust on my shelf. my latest programming language book has yet to be read. i cannot remember the last time i went to a new and different meeting. yet none of this concerns me most of the time, as all of that is waiting for me, when i choose to move in a different direction. what was put on heart this morning, is that maybe it is time for some new direction and some people and some new activities in my life. hiding in my office or behind a keyboard six or seven days a week is probably not going to bring that sort of change to my life. although i can write about it, it is actually doing something that is the important part of living today.
where does that leave me? well i have a desire to try something new as well as something old today. for right now, it is time to take to the streets and get rid of some of my nervous energy and the excess calories i consumed yesterday. yes i have work to do today and more than likely will attend to it, but who knows where i will be at 10:00 this morning, i think it is time to throw a twist into the mix.
Linda L
32 years clean!
awesome my friend
i am often tempted to ignore what this reading says, because i am of the type that likes knowing what life is bringing from day to day. i am certain that i looked over my writings for this reading i have often missed the point, but today the point i heard went beyond boring and predictable. what i heard is that i can be MORE, IF I LOOK TO BE MORE. my life can be fuller and richer, if i have the slightest bit of courage and step out from behind the curtain of routine. my Spanish tutor is sitting gathering dust on my shelf. my latest programming language book has yet to be read. i cannot remember the last time i went to a new and different meeting. yet none of this concerns me most of the time, as all of that is waiting for me, when i choose to move in a different direction. what was put on heart this morning, is that maybe it is time for some new direction and some people and some new activities in my life. hiding in my office or behind a keyboard six or seven days a week is probably not going to bring that sort of change to my life. although i can write about it, it is actually doing something that is the important part of living today.
where does that leave me? well i have a desire to try something new as well as something old today. for right now, it is time to take to the streets and get rid of some of my nervous energy and the excess calories i consumed yesterday. yes i have work to do today and more than likely will attend to it, but who knows where i will be at 10:00 this morning, i think it is time to throw a twist into the mix.
∞ DT ∞