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and sticking to the basics. seems like a no-brainer. especially for those who happen to be **young** in their recovery. although i am loathe to say it, i can fall victim to my clean time and begin to think that perhaps all of that **basic** stuff is not really necessary. the truth of the matter, certainly lies somewhere in between. after a minute in recovery, there are no biggies in my life.i am far from complacent in my recovery, as i have learned that for this addict, i need to practice an active program of recovery, which includes a daily application of the TENTH and ELEVENTH Steps. across the days that mark my recovery journey, i have uncovered that when i accept the fact that relapse is always a possibility, rather than cowering in fear over the possibility of that happening, i can live a life that includes doing the basics of recovery as well as some of the stuff that comes further down the line.
part of living a program is realizing that i still have a button or three that can be pushed, even by those who do not even know me. i know that is what happened the other night, i reacted to having some buttons pushed and allowed myself to fall into a nasty little mood that culminated in a disjointed, cynical and seemingly random share. it only took me a 10th and 11th step cycle to see that i had ceded all of my personal power to an addict who had no idea that i was being affected by what he was sharing. i simply detest giving up my personal power to anyone and especially to someone for whom i have little to no respect. the basic principle i was missing out on? HUMILITY! in that instance, i was believing i was better than someone and how they dare pollute a “pure” message of recovery with their delusional garbage. my “puke” was a reaction to what he was attempting to share and i was worse for the experience, spiritually, emotionally and certainly mentally. 🤮 🤯
moving back into the here and now, i can feel my way to the resolution of the dilemma of where to put my energy, with respect to the Colorado Department of Corrections. the crux of this issue is do i continue with the relationship i have fostered over the course of most of a decade with a man who has returned to being a ward of the state, or do i cut him off with one last letter so the clock can start ticking on getting approved to go into those facilities to carry a meeting. it comes down to balancing the needs of many against the needs of a single person. as classic as that dilemma may be, every time i stumble up against it, i have to do a deep dive into my motives and pay-offs. quite honestly in this situation there is really no pay-off for supporting a man who i had come to see as being a friend. he abused that relationship and even though i may have forgiven him for his disrespect, there is still an ember of resentment burning deep down in my soul. i have to come to a place where i feel the pain of that resentment and have the desire to resolve it. that is my shit and certainly worth considering as this day goes on and i get some time away from the computer and the house. it is a great day to be considering how to apply the basics in my advanced recovery life.

∞ DT ∞