μ when i make mistakes, and i DO make my fair share, μ
Posted: Sun, Jun 19, 2011 08:44:18 AM
i can find a way to laugh at the humor of my imperfections, IF i can let go of my obsession with self. it is true, i take myself far too seriously most of the time. the little reminders i get from these daily readings, do help me to let go and just be okay with being human. first off, all of a sudden i am out of time. thought i had plenty, and perhaps i do, but the clock, it be ticking and my fingers they be click-clacking the keyboard, so instead of fretting about where i have to be next, as it seemed i did yesterday morning i will work on being here and let the rest of the morning just sort of fall into place.
that too, is a symptom of how seriously i take myself most of the time. this morning, i feel as if they wrote this just for me. it was quite true, that i did not get how the folks in the rooms could be laughing about the tragedies, missteps and foibles they were sharing. in fact, i took it for a sign that this nuthouse was not to my liking and i needed to find a saner retreat from active addiction. throughout those early days, i did not get how those members could continue to 'fess up to such embarrassing situations, and then laugh heartily with the crowd about them. for me, i came to recovery with the attitude to cover up my mistakes under as much earth as i could find, and restore the surface to what it looked like before so no one even with ground penetrating radar could ever find them. that sort of behavior left a lot for me to uncover as i worked the steps, and although most of that garbage has been uncovered and revealed, i am more than certain that there still exists even more, after all, one does not run through 25 or 26 years of actively covering his tracks without forgetting where most of the bodies are.
so it is with great relief that today, i can see my mistakes for what they are, evidence of being a human being. yes, they may be tragic, but that does not have to keep me from sharing them with others and moving forward with a giggle under my breath. i know, to me appearances are everything, but with this thought in mind, perhaps i can be a little lighter and a little less serious in all that i do as i go through this particular Father's Day.
that too, is a symptom of how seriously i take myself most of the time. this morning, i feel as if they wrote this just for me. it was quite true, that i did not get how the folks in the rooms could be laughing about the tragedies, missteps and foibles they were sharing. in fact, i took it for a sign that this nuthouse was not to my liking and i needed to find a saner retreat from active addiction. throughout those early days, i did not get how those members could continue to 'fess up to such embarrassing situations, and then laugh heartily with the crowd about them. for me, i came to recovery with the attitude to cover up my mistakes under as much earth as i could find, and restore the surface to what it looked like before so no one even with ground penetrating radar could ever find them. that sort of behavior left a lot for me to uncover as i worked the steps, and although most of that garbage has been uncovered and revealed, i am more than certain that there still exists even more, after all, one does not run through 25 or 26 years of actively covering his tracks without forgetting where most of the bodies are.
so it is with great relief that today, i can see my mistakes for what they are, evidence of being a human being. yes, they may be tragic, but that does not have to keep me from sharing them with others and moving forward with a giggle under my breath. i know, to me appearances are everything, but with this thought in mind, perhaps i can be a little lighter and a little less serious in all that i do as i go through this particular Father's Day.
∞ DT ∞