Blog entry for:

of humor about me, things that might overwhelm me can be made bearable. it is true, i am FAR TOO serious, most of the time, and this reading was just what i needed to move beyond my less than healthy interactions with a friend. it is almost ludicrous, how much that person believes what they do affects what i feel. in fact, as incredible as it seems, they seem to think that i take their using, personally and as a affront to the program that has kept me clean for all these days. they seem to feel that i angry over the fact that they used, and totally unconcern about their douche bag behaviors. truly amazing, and if i consider it on a deeper level, quite ironic and even, yes dare i say it, funny. their obsession with self, is a mirror into my own and i see that i too, can do things that hurt others and rationalize it away with a the magic wand sort of phrase of: “after all, i am just an addict, what did you really expect?!”
honestly, i now know exactly what to expect, and i see myself creating more and more distance between us, as they get their head cleared out and they become even more arrogant and self-obsessed. to truly expect me to drop everything, because they have given up, is beyond and sense of reason. at least they had the good sense yesterday to stop as they went down the path of theoretically suggesting that if our situations were reversed. one of the best gives of living clean, is that the odds of finding myself in their position are extremely low.
the most humorous part is that whole of the What Would They Do scenario, is that they think it applies to everyone, and are quite confused every time no one follows that paradigm of social interaction. yet, i see myself falling into that same trap, expecting others to behave as i would in any given situation, quiet delicious and more than bone crushing funny. when i switch the roles and look at myself as if i am him, i see that i am not all that different, and when i write him today, i will certainly let them how ridiculous his theories of how to live are. even as write this, i hear the humerus irony of the delicious little whiny tone, that i have come to associate with my friend. worse off, i feel the sense of entitlement that i often hear in their words and feel justified feeling entitled to have them treat me in a very specific manner. i see what a friggin' nut case i am, and wonder how i ever managed to stay clean past noon. once i start down that path, my attitude of “don't you know who the fVck i am,” starts to get replaced with “man is this some sort of bad joke?” i mean seriously who do i think i am, expecting the world and every one in it, to live up to a certain standard. yes i will write my friend today and ask him WTF and maybe he needs to write instead of call. i also will be okay seeing that i too, am a walking contradiction that more often or not is so totally funny, that i just need to let go and let out a great big chortle of joy, just for right now.
anyhow, the time has come to get showered off and powered up, for another day at work.

∞ DT ∞