Blog entry for:

that i am stuck in my problems and the solutions are nowhere in sight. okay, it is true, i changed the grammar of my seed and i will tell you why i did it. i am not one of those infinite inventory kind of guys, at least not anymore. i have from time to time, been one of those who use my seemingly infinite list of character defects as a bully pulpit and beat myself up about how far i have not come. or even worse, pretend that they have all been removed and i am now at the end of my recovery journey, having reached that mythical state of of a recovered drug addict, that i often hear others identify themselves as, in some of the meeting i may attend.

Chuck C
CONGRATS on 26 years clean today
You are certainly a beacon on my path of becoming
the man i have always wanted to be

then, i find myself in the company of others, some of whom have a decade more than i do, and i see, that there is no destination, recovery, in and of itself is the destination, and i need to focus on my journey and not whatever end-game i happen to have in mind today.
where does that leave me? well, today, at least, right here and right now, i can focus on what the solution may be for me. it certainly is not wailing about how unfair it is, that i am an addict. it certainly is not about gnashing my teeth and complaining of being victimized by addiction. it certainly is not setting myself up as something different, by saying ridiculous things about what i choose to do and not to do, to work a program of recovery. most importantly it is not wallowing in the cesspool of self-pity that i seem to find myself in, more often than not. no it is accepting all of those things as a small part of my life and moving beyond them, through the process of recovery, i have been taught by those who have walked this path before me. no flaky, new age, pop psychiatry fixes for me, just as Sgt Friday said more than once, just the facts, M'am. those facts is that for this addict there is only a single program, one set of steps that are truly unique to the fellowship that has become my home. i need no other fixes or input as that program has kept me clean for quite some time and i have the hope IT WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO. so i am running a bit late, i better hit the dusty trail and get my a$$ in gear, after all, they do not pay me to sit here and wax philosophically about what i am or am not, that question was decided a long time ago.

∞ DT ∞