Blog entry for:

Step Five.
so i often shared. as i did last night, that STEP 5 was not part of my original plan. STEPS FOUR through NINE, did not apply to me, so there would be no point of me taking them. a few step cycles later i see what a ridiculous notion that was, and am grateful that i GOT the idea, that working the steps, all of them, in the order they were written, was necessary for me, as well.

Chuck C
Congrats on 28 years
of ‘JUST FOR TODAYS’.
Thanks for all of your service.

a bit of history:
for me, after i got over my original denial of whether or not i wanted to work steps and moved through my reluctance to do so, i found great relief in STEP FIVE and great pain in STEP SIX. i can see why in some step working traditions, STEPS SIX and SEVEN are speed steps, that are quickly dealt with, while the glow and lightness of being of STEP FIVE is still very evident. basking in the glow of a completed FIFTH STEP, i often balk at moving on, because i know that personality change, even though that is what i need the most, is painful and fraught with pitfalls and dragons.i, too would love to stop after STEP FIVE and just coast my way through recovery, or back out the door, because allowing the process of change to happen, is not what i am all about. yes, i know of at least two addicts who resisted the process at this point, and neither has made it back for any length of time. for me, i can see that, as the full knowledge and awareness of what a sh!t i am, would eat at me night and day.
i do however, need to get rolling on out the door this morning. it is a great day to be clean and even a better one, to allow the personality changes that i need, to occur on their own. there just looks like there are dragons here, they are no more real than any of the hundreds of other monsters or mythical creations i can manufacture.

∞ DT ∞