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i make a personal decision to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to direct me.
before i write this i always do a quick check of the **seeds** i have used in the past, to avoid, sounding the same, and making it appear that i am looking at a different aspect of this topic. the problem with using topics that are of a periodic nature, is that they start to feel “stale” and “worn-out.” this morning, will perusing the list of what i had use, over the course of the years i have been doing this, i noticed a trend in the seeds themselves. i could see clear evidence of my spiritual growth and awakening as i came to believe, started to surrender and finally removed the human attribute from the POWER that fuels my recovery. as that POWER cannot be jealous, capricious or vengeful, IT certainly can not be loving, kind or caring either. which could be problematic for me, at least before i consider where that takes me. when the POWER that fuels my recovery is deconstructed in such a manner, i am free to believe that i have some power in the direction my life is going. i am no longer marching to the beat of a hidden and predetermined path. when i get that sort of freedom, the fact that i defer to the apparent wisdom, for lack of a better term, of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is in and of itself an interesting notion. when i make a decision to surrender my will and my life into the care of that POWER, there appears to be an inherent contradiction, namely if i do not believe that POWER is not loving, how can my FAITH that i will get everything i need to stay clean today and grow in my recovery. then i am in the exact same boat as my peers, who follow a more traditional and western way of looking at things. FAITH, by its very nature, does not require explanation, and now all of a sudden, the “mysterious ways” makes sense to me. what they are trying to justify is how GOD, being loving, caring and kind, can allow seemingly evil things to happen or force good people to suffer. reality does not match their inner belief structure so with a quick application of “jazz hands,” the dissonance is washed away, and they can blithely return to the path they choose to follow. when one, strips away those attribute, it comes down to FAITH, that what happens in this world, is just that happenings, seemingly random and without any sort of “invisible hand” operating behind the scenes.
what i see as inherently evil, namely the greed of the ginormous multinational corporations, may seem to others as a natural and desirable side-effect of the “greatest economic system” ever invented. today, i am certain that the will, such as it is, of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is for me to stay clean. no problem there, i am in total concordance with my peers, on that issue. i am also quite certain that if i allow myself to be cared for, by that POWER, as in sheltering myself in that POWER and allowing that POWER to do with as IT will, once again for lack of a better term, i will be able to stay clean today and further my recovery. it really, after all these days, comes down to that notion,m and as i apply a THIRD STEP in my daily program of living, i can see its extension through the SEVENTH and ELEVENTH as well.
anyhow, FAITH or no FAITH, i have stuff to accomplish today, so as close as this topic is to my heart, i still need to get out, accomplish a task or three and live the gift of recovery i have been given, just for today.

∞ DT ∞