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to let go is certainly a gift that comes from learning to live a program of active recovery. the question that often arises in my mind is to let go of what? the answer i often **hear** is everything, which for me is far from satisfactory, as when i ask for direction, i desire clarity and details. in my experience, at least before i came to recovery, my own direction often led me to places i would rather not be, paying consequences i found heinous and unjust. my thinking would fall into blaming and the first words out of my mouth would be “if only…”
i can say that when my primary care provider gave me permission to let go of my weight and the idiotic manner in which Body Mass Index is calculated, i was surprised. as time went on, by letting go of those artificial measures of fitness and focusing on things such as endurance and how my clothes fit, i saw that she was correct. for me, a symptom of my health is how i feel on a daily basis,before and after my workout. my fitness routine is not all that much different from my recovery routine. both need to be addressed on a daily basis and both are very subtle in how ell they are working in my life. just like BMI, not using is not a great indicator of my spiritual health. as i have been abstinent for over twenty-five years and if that was “the” true measure of success in measuring a life freed from addiction, there would be no reason for me to continue to do what i do. i could be freed from my recovery routine, to live whatever sort of life i choose to live. for me, however, what i have seen in my peers who choose to go down that path, is not often what i desire for myself. i accept that i am an addict and that i need to apply myself daily to a program that allows me to live free and be free to choose what to hold on to and what to let go of. which brings me to the question i asked at the beginning of this exercise.
what i think i need to let go of, may be everything, but everything is far beyond my capability to manage in any sense of the word. what i have the ability to let go of today, is anything that i lack the power to affect, including what others may think, feel and do. i also am learning to let go of what i think, others may think of me. as a person who has spent his entire life obsessed about how he appears in the eyes of others, it is certainly freeing to let go of that and walk forward into this day. speaking of which, the time has come to post this little ditty and get some miles under the soles of my running shoes. it is a good day to allow myself to be free from the chains that have bound me for so long.

∞ DT ∞