Blog entry for:

finally i get to think about a bit of hope. the course and tone of my blogs over the past few days has been a bit dark and gloomy, probably a reflection of how i am internalizing the bleakness of the landscape around me or maybe it was just that i was in a foul little place. regardless, the time to whine about what is or is not happening inside is past. today i am once again feeling a bit more hopeful. i did not write on my fourth step last night, nor did i go to a meeting or work with another addict. i isolated in front of the television watching a season finalé that was mostly commercials. but so it goes...
today i feel connected to the world and excited to see what the day will bring. the chaos swirling around me is still the chaos swirling around me. the chaos within has been stilled for this moment and i do have a sense of my HIGHER POWER’s will for me today, although i am at a loss for the words to describe it. and that is probably the way it should be. life without direction or even worse being self-directed has been more than a bit trying over the past fortnight, and i am exhausted with the effort. today, i am finally tired enough, beat-up enough, and comfortable enough in my own skin to let go and see what happens. the whole when the pain of doing is less than the pain of not doing gig.
and then pops up this entry, reminding me that as i grow, my own true will becomes aligned with GOD’s will, if allow the process to happen. so what is that will today? still do not have a clue, BUT i am willing to do what is in front of me and see what happens. so off to the real start of my day and the life that is in front of me in this twenty-four!

∞ DT ∞