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i find the contentment and joy that often eludes me when we strike out on my own. well not exactly what i heard this morning, after all, i have to drive home later today and getting rolling, losing my comb, getting caffeinated up all would seem to be higher priorities than seeking and being present for the will of a HIGHER POWER. in fact, my first tendency was to run on some self-will and hit this day hard so i could get home and take care of the work i have left to do before the start of business Monday morning. well common sense or uncommon sense aside, i feel like <GASP> everything is going to be alright and that i may have found something i was not even looking for, up here in Rock Springs. somehow, last night i felt a connection with the main speaker that i have never felt before in recovery and the notion popped into my head that i had found my next sponsor. the strange part is that i did not even know that i was shopping for one, a sponsor that is, and here i found one. what that means in the long or even the short run is beyond me, i will get his number or e-mail and let go of what will happen.
as i write this i get the clue i did not know i was seeking, guidance from a POWER way outside of me. even as i ponder the implications of my feelings, i feel calm and serene, as if i have already made a decision, when in my head i am far from making a decision that i had not considered until this morning. i do love my sponsor, and even if we disagree, i am not really looking to find someone new with whom to start a new trust-based relationship. i am surprised that i am considering this as there are more than a few obstacles in my way and the costs of developing a long distance relationship may outweigh the benefits.
as there is not rational or logical manner to really analyze this set of feelings and the actions i may or may not take, i do believe i will just let go and see what happens, and as i decide to let go, i get a feeling of having to do something DAMMIT! i guess, this always over rational and super cautious addict has to take a chance and follow my heart this morning. DANG IT ALL, i do hate when the feeling in my heart is stronger than the knowledge in my head. i guess that is what i really heard this morning, that life is full of unexpected twists and turns, as rational as i am, as desirous of keeping the status quo that i may be, i am a spiritual creature who needs to allow my spirit to take me where it will. so i guess i will pack up my car, get my act together and be present for what is going on inside and outside of me, and see where i end-up when this day is done. after all, that is all i have FAITH that a HIGHER POWER's will is what i need to follow and not my self-will, after all if i allow it my TRUE will for myself will align itself with the will of a HIGHER POWER. so off to the convention and into this day full force.

∞ DT ∞