Blog entry for:

real and imagined can certainly keep one from the rooms, or drive one to use again. my point being, that i know of many addicts, who have gone through REAL hardships, and yet stayed clean. i also know of many addicts, who use whenever things go the tiniest bit sour, or even worse when things are go very well. they are the inspiration for my writing this morning and what i need to look at, today. those who walk through the TRUE and often heinous hardships, clean, courage and perseverance that is based on FAITH in the program. i would certainly hope, when my time to comes to face such a situation i can emulate those who remain upright and stay clean and not those who roll over and use on a flip of a coin. before i get rolling into what that may mean, someone who has done the need day after day, needs a special shout-out:

Jay T,
my friend and sponsee,
congrats on EIGHTEEN(18) years
of doing this gig, “just for today!”
Thank you for sticking it out, even when it got tough.

yes Jay and i got clean in almost the same class. both of us were in the wrong fellowship and neither of us, found what we were looking for, over in Boulder, or at l;east not a on a steady diet. as a result, we took it upon ourselves, to see what we could get started in our home town. honestly, back in those days, as far as our fellowship was concerned, Longmont was the Appalachia of recovery. my friend and i did what we could to eliminate the hardship of having to travel to go to a meeting a day for 90 days, in this fellowship, and although we made more than one mistake, or travails bore fruit and the fellowship today is thriving and growing.
i know, driving ten to fifteen miles to go to a meeting hardly seems like a hardship, when it is pl;aced into the scale of things. i do not know how many times i whined about what an imposition it was and how much easier it was to attend a meeting of another fellowship, after all, “recovery is all the same no matter what '\'A' happens to be on the wall.” some of my peers, still express that same sentiment, for me however, having to attend a meeting of another fellowship is one of those perceived hardships. not that i would have a needle in my arm, the day my fellowship dried up and blew away, but it would certainly start my excuse engine running. driving anywhere for a meeting would become a chore, slowly i would find myself too busy living to invest the time in meetings. sponsorship responsibilities would drop off, as the men who call me their sponsor, could never find me. step work would start to languish as i began to think i had this down, and even my daily maintenance would fall by the wayside, all for the lack of my willingness to travel to a meeting of the fellowship that sustains my recovery.
ah. but writing about hypotheticals, while interesting certainly does not provide any substance to what i need to do, today. the reason i have a bit of FAITH, that i can face REAL hardships and come out clean, is not only because of those whom i have seen done so, but also because of what i have found in the fellowship, the support, spiritually and emotionally of my peers in recovery. they certainly would give me the figurative shirts off their back, if they thought it would keep me clean one more day, just as i would for them. just fore today i have FAITH that come what may, i will have what i need to face it. it will then be up to me to accept the gifts i am offered and walk through that hardship clean, spiritually shaken but intact, and not allow myself to be dragged along the bottom of what could have been. time to slide on down the road to work, yes that is correct, a slippy slidy drive awaits and in the end, i know that if i allow myself the time and patience to drive as i ought to, i will make it there intact.

∞ DT ∞