Blog entry for:

ineligible for the program -- not a life-threatening illness, not poverty, not anything. there are thousands of addicts who have found recovery despite the real hardships they have faced.
well i started down one path and quickly changed my mind. one of the things this garden variety addict can say this morning is HAPPY CLEAN DATE ANNIVERSARY -- JAY T -- 10 YEARS CLEAN is amazing, considering that it is a miracle any one of us can stay clean one day. and to any addict who stumbles across this little missive with thirty-six or so hours clean, welcome, you are in the right place, nothing can ever disqualify YOU for recovery, if you choose to allow those of us who are here to help.
k, now i have taken care of my stuff about others who happen to be part of my recovery, IT IS TIME TO FOCUS ON ME. after all, it is all about me anyways. so i was one of those addicts, who in early recovery devoted a great deal of time and energy trying to disqualify myself from recovery. part of the problem was i started in the wrong fellowship and only used the fellowship i ended up in for a social life. being in the wrong ‘A’, was certainly a good thing for helping me to feel unique. after all, i did not suffer any of the symptoms that i heard shared about in those rooms. i could and did stop drinking many times for months on end, i never had withdrawals from alcohol, and was puzzled about being powerless over the substance alcohol. BUT those kind folks, kept me clean, provided me the means to stay even though i was not a very good fit and loved me until i was ready to move to where i truly belonged. that little change, dud save my life and i finally came top accept what i always dreaded -- THAT I WAS AN ADDICT! that realization, shattered the illusion of uniqueness i had built up during my first thirteen months of recovery, and i was devastated and excited at the same time. finally i had to face the reality of being a common addict, and decide if i wanted to do what addicts around the world haver decided to do, live a new way of life following the principles of this fellowship. although i often have a doubt or two about this decision, i have absolutely no regrets. i do accept today all that the program has to offer this addict and am willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean, today. i am no different than any other addict who is exposed to this program. what and how much i used are mere symptoms of the malady of addiction, it is addiction and not the details that mark the symptoms of addiction that binds me to other addicts, and the fellowship i choose to recover in. to those gracious alcoholics that nurtured me through my terminal uniqueness, i say THANK YOU for saving my life and allowing me to be a part of your fellowship. to the addicts who kept telling me to keep coming back while i was sampling recovery over there, i also say THANK YOU for letting me come to terms with who and what i am, and that is just another addict in recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞