Blog entry for:

to acceptance, judgement leads down blind alleys and into the dank and dark place from whence i emerged all those days ago. as i got prepared to do my daily thang, this morning, i had come to the conclusion that i had already been through the new source material and i could pick and choose which reading i wanted was the one that was on the top of my desire list. much to my surprise, i had not finished my cycle and was about to write once more about excuse, justification and how different i was and may still be. i am glad that i stopped and peeked at what i wrote a year ago and changed my course of action. as i slog through all this stuff that is ahead of me, as i deal with cleaning up my Mom's affairs, i am starting to get a bit of acceptance about what i have to do, what i need to do and what i want to do. much of that terrible triad are the same, one or more of them lead down a path where i just say fVck it and walk away and let the chips fall where they will. i am now listening to those who have more experience with these matters to lead me in the direction where i get something out of all of this, as well as my brothers and sisters. life certainly has become interesting these days.

Jay T,
my friend and sponsee,
CONGRATS on XXVI (26) years clean.
For us it has certainly been a long, strange trip. 😄

coming back to the topic at hand, one of the lines that stuck out for me, was that if i listen for the message instead of filtering what is being said through my own opinions, prejudices and biases, i just might hear what i need to hear to stay clean, just for today. of course, i am more than paraphrasing what was actually written, applying my own filter, BUT, the intent of what was written and what i heard are nearly the same. it is up to me, to suspend the judge, jury and executioner and actually listen to what is being shared. i live a “bubble-world” no matter how ell i have myself fooled into believing that i am open, honest and in touch with reality. listening to what is being shared, expands that bubble to include just a little bit more of the real world and allows me the freedom to be okay with where i happen to be going, just for today.

∞ DT ∞