Blog entry for:

thinking about my life, which i have been doing a bunch lately, and where service fits it has given me some new perspectives this morning. i really do owe a debt to the fellowship that gave me this new life and i know that i will never ever be able to repay it. in the old days when i was faced with a debt that seemed beyond my means to resolve i ran away and hoped they would forget about me. today i have learned the spiritual principle of responsibility and do the best i can day-to-day to take care of my debts. what that means is that now that i have some clean time and some recovery i have to give back to the fellowship my time, my presence, my skills and most of all myself. and i am willing to invest all of those resources today to ensure that the doors remain open for the still suffering.
something else i have learned across the course of my recovery is that i no longer need to be a victim, anymore. i had to tell a long time friend this morning that i find his behaviors unacceptable to me, and that we need to reconsider our friendship. i can whine and moan about what he has or has not done to me, but that is part of the problem, and i remain the victim rather than a healthy partner in that relationship. i am sad that it has had to come to this, but i am happy that i finally stood up for myself and am changing the last of my unhealthy relationships. after all, service to the fellowship is for me, and service to myself is for me, and come to think about it is all about me today!

∞ DT ∞