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my actions may have on the addict who still suffers, is something i consider carefully these days, especially in service settings. unfortunately, my melt-down in service in November and December is still being felt by some members of the local fellowship, and i am uncertain why they are carrying that burden. i owned my wrong, took responsibility for my part and apologized for my less than stellar behavior. there still seems to be something happening on the other side of that relationship equation, and there really is nothing more i can or will do, to correct that imbalance, so it goes. i also know that in less than a month i may “get” an opportunity to be yet another thorn in someone's side, and i know that i have many days of coming to terms with using and abusing whatever power i may have over them. for right now, i believe i keep quite, keep my observations of their attitudes and behaviors on the down-low and live well within my own skin. i have moved out of seeking prestige and its attendant flaws, at least for today.
today, i am feeling way behind, even though i have accomplished everything i planned to get done. not sure what is going on with that. i walked six miles, my last load of laundry is in the dryer, i have already run out, mailed my application for Medicare Part B, purchased a valentine for my life partner, got Super bowl dinner and now am getting prepared to chip away at the street glacier that is in front of my home. i guess the feeling of not doing enough is playing into the old lie about being broken. i know that i am not, nor was i ever broken, it was the story i told myself, because i was “different” than all of those around me. i may not have a new job yet, but i am certainly better prepared to take a tech interview than i was two weeks ago. so it chip, chip, chip away i go, before i sit down and return to training day, once again.

∞ DT ∞