Blog entry for:

i will be unafraid to discover who i am.
as i stopped for a second this morning, even though i am running late, i realized there were two very disparate ideas running in my head. the first being a set-up for a resentment, fostered by a person who acts like they have all the answers but has yet to demonstrate any growth from their attitude that they are somehow owed something. and my experience at my service commitment last night. this morning i choose the latter and will let the cliché spouting, clueless addict that is the subject of much of my ire, rest for another day.
one of the men at the meeting, asked if i was a member of law enforcement. as ridiculous as that sounded to me, i get that, after all, why else would i be spending my time in jail. his question came after another has asked us, what we did for a living and how we made the time to bring a meeting in to them. as i sit here this morning, i see that the two questions were probably not unrelated. when it came my turn to share, i spoke of the debt i owed to this fellowship. even though i was far from ready to partake of the gifts that this program had to offer, way back when i was in their position, there was someone here to give that first warm greeting, when i was dragged kicking and screaming, into recovery. i make no bones about it, for me it was prison or recovery, and as i am writing this today, it is pretty evident which path i chose. i, however, digress. so yes i owe a debt to the men and women, who kept the doors open, all the wile i was earning my chair in this fellowship. that debt will never be repaid, and the ONLY way i can whittle it down, is to carry the message to those who may or may not want to hear it. even though my experience, with the men i shared with last night, is that very few of them will ever walk into a meeting on the outs, at least they have that option and it is not through ignorance, they never have the chance to recover.
honestly, i hate walking into any jail, and to walk into three different ones, most months, is far from what i would really like to do. i do, however, want to stay clean today, and the POWER that fuels my recovery, has stoked the fires of my passion to carry the message to these dank and dismal places. i am clean today, because i serve and do so gratefully. no matter how full my life gets, and these days it feels ready to burst, i will make my life fit into what i need to do to foster my active recovery. which right here and right now, is to jump into the shower and head on out the door. it is a great day to be of service to my fellowship and have the desire rto continue that service. and NO I AM NOT A COP, and i have never, ever played one on TV.

∞ DT ∞