Blog entry for:

for me anyhow is not something that has never come easy. i was never satisfied with what i had and as i uncovered in recovery, who i was. the decades of believing the lie that i was not lucky enough to be born as someone different, took its toll on me and that same lie still infects me with fear, uncertainty and doubt, today. before i stray too far afield, a quick shout out to one of my peers:

Steven S.
Congrats on ELEVEN (11) Trips around the sun clean!
Miss you my friend and hope all is well.

learning to accept who i am and finding fulfillment in what i have, is certainly an admirable task and one i accept willingly from time to tome, but i still get a case of the “what-if-itis,” as i find things in the here and now, up to my high expectations. i still want more and i am unconcerned as to whether that is because i am an addict, or simply human desire.
here is where i might say that i apologize for the screed i posted yesterday, calling out the ignorant, selfish and self-obsessed in my local community and nationwide. the fact of the matter is, i have absolutely no regrets, other than using this forum to dump my bile. the fact that the Hater-In-Chief, is still peddling that line of bullshit that his cult followers are still gobbling up and clamoring for more. i could go on and on unapologetically, twisting the knife and feeling all smug and superior, but to what ends? i am after all, one person, who happens to accept science is real and that facts are facts, even when they are not flattering. the only “fake news” seems to come from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington DC.
finding a path to seeing what i have and accepting those gifts as more than enough, just for today, seems defeatist in my mind. as i sat this morning, i saw that accepting is not the same as giving up. i want more for my life, spiritually, materially, physically and emotionally. acknowledging what i have and working to get more, without envy and hate, is the path i “felt” as i started moving into this lazy day. just for right now, i think i may do a lazy workout and get some steps in before i start my pandemic-induced retail scavenger hunt, to see what i can pry out of the hands of those whining Trumpalos, who refuse to take responsibility for the next step towards lock-down. they may not get it, why i wear a mask even in my parents house, but i certainly do not wish they get it: COVID-19, due to their lack of respect for their fellow human beings.