Blog entry for:

as a practice of surrender, rather than the means to build myself up at the expense of someone else, tear myself down to look **humble**, or deflect and deny what i cannot face. it is nice to learn how to use humor as a tool for growth rather than a weapon of missed-direction. even though my spouse believes that my friend and i treat each other poorly because we jibe and insult each other, that is just how we interact and it is because we like each other we play those silly “put down” games. which brings me to the continuing story of villainy and deceit. the matter is far from resolved, but in theory by 1 PM this afternoon my property may be safely out of the hands of the slime-bucket who stole it in the first place. it is what it is and i am still quite confused by all sorts of things.
i can certainly say that i did not handle the situation with any sort of grace or tact. i allowed my emotions to get the better of me and some day i may actually need to clean up and own that i did wrong by lashing out. all that i said to that slimy over-entitled thief may have been true, but it certainly lacked any of the tact that i have tried so hard to foster in my life. their solution is to sneak my property back to the place they “found” and call it good, and perhaps in their head that is more than enough, after all they had already justified taking it in the first place. i find their lack of communication disturbing and i get why they may not want to meet me, face-to-face, as they have severely humiliated themselves and i wonder what would have happened if i had not inquired after my property, would they feel guilt and shame every time they wore it, knowing full well they stole it from a peer in recovery? i would hope that they may have grown a conscience and realized taking something because they thought it was “left behind,” was the theft, pure and simple. i have a few thoughts on that, but right now i am starting to see my emotional reaction as sort of funny and something i need to surrender to. i get that i was angry. i get i see that person as someone lacking any integrity, honesty or selflessness, no matter how much they cry at every meeting. now i know that IF i want to keep my nice things, i have to keep an eye on them, when the thief is in the room, which make me sad. it also makes me wonder how much of what they share about themselves is real and now much is an act to get tea and sympathy and whether or not they really did abuse their elderly parents. it is sad that now i have to look askew when they share, as i no longer trust anything that comes from their pie-hole.
moving into the here and now, it is time to get my stuff done and for work and for myself. i know that some day i will once again encounter the slime bucket that i once respected and when i do, i hope we can laugh at what they once were and have left in the dust. BTW they are not the victim here, no matter how much they want to tell themselves that story.

∞ DT ∞