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the irony is that, as soon as i make the decision to begin the Twelve Step process, i realize my fears of change were groundless.
fear of change versus the pain of changing, quite a bit to wrap my head around this afternoon. after all, i am in the process of taking a character defect inventory and the list grows day by day. in fact, there was one that was revealed to me, as i shared at a meeting today, so it goes. truthfully i hate the sixth step, and the entire process it brings to my life, the only reason i would ever want to work it is so i can get the gift at the end of the step. that gift? well i leave it to you my readers to determine for yourself.
so this is reading is more than appropriate fro me today, after all, it was fear of the pain of change that made me pause between steps five and six, and that fear is quite irrational. no the pain is real, what is not real is that somehow i will not be able to walk through that pain and continue to recover. that lie is the one i tell myself on a daily basis, and it is weapon that the part of me that i call my disease uses to stall the process.
so the lie is dead and the process continues, and i get to practice a bit of courage, today anyhow, who knows what tomorrow will bring.
anyhow i have delayed returning to work for long enough, time to accomplish some things today.

∞ DT ∞