Blog entry for:

that frees me.
do not get your hopes up, this is not a mary sunshine, yippy skippy, kind of post, but i hope that it does not turn out to be a gloomy gus one either. i started writing this and was going to talk about the length of time, i NEED to feel pain. to summarize, the length of time i NEED to feel pain can be measured in minutes and yet, for me, sometimes that unit of measure is years. i spent years in active addiction denying the pain of being alone, being different and not being able to relate to the world around me. i spent years in the pain of remorse for a past that i could not change. i spent years in the pain of the trying to influence the unknown future and even when the remedy was presented to me, i spent months figuring out the ways and means to prove that way was not going to work for me. that lsit of painful experiences that were extended due to my self-will, could go on and on, instead i will just say, i no longer NEED to purposefully extend my pain, even though, from time to time, i still do.
the HOPE? well when i stay in the here and now and when i accept the help i can be given, i can walk through the pain that change may bring and see a better day on the other side.

∞ DT ∞