Blog entry for:

...continue bearing the pain of my defects than to submit to the total upheaval involved in changing the way i live.
yes, i am certainly one of these types. i live in the pain of my character defects and shortcomings until it is too great to continue doing so. i am not all that different than many of those with whom i share this path, after all, there is a certain comfort in staying in the same old place, and knowing a familiar pain. understanding my motives, and actually doing something to change are two entirely different things, and if this last set of steps, especially the changes wrought within me over the past eight or nine months are any indication, i am moving towards a place where this acceptance of familiar pain is becoming less acceptable to me.
where does it leave me in this particular brain dump? well what came to me as i sat quietly an listened this morning is that i am responsible for becoming the man i wish to become. i can sit on my ass and whine about the changes coming too quickly or not quickly enough, or i can accept that i have work to do, do the work and accept the consequences. that is the consequences of doing as well as not doing the work in front of me, as there are consequences to any action or lack of action i take. yes i have more than one object lesson in my life. i sit and watch as the men i sponsor shift and divert themselves away from their step work, than i look at the sate of mine. their behavior and spiritual fitness is a direct reflection of what i see going on inside of me, which at the current time is a whole lot of treading water, rather than swimming forward. yes it is true, that trading water is better than drowning, but on the flip side, it also does nothing to get me into shallower and calmer waters.
what i hear today, is to do what is on my plate, let go of the future, accept that the checks are really in the mail and see if i can build the desire to take care of that dusty old step work today.
so out into this cool and rainy morning to get some work done and see how i can add to my development, instead of allowing myself to sit in the same old stinky mess i was in yesterday, after all it is a good day to…

∞ DT ∞