Blog entry for:

of pain, may have been something i once desired. in fact, more than likely it was all i was about. the life i crafted to fit the lie i created and made into my TRUTH was to purposefully avoid the pain of feeling and being different. sitting here on vacation in Santa Fe, wondering where i finally made the correct turn to find this life, i realize that i did not just stumble along and “luck” my way into this way stop on my life's journey. i got here because i stayed clean, i kept coming back, i worked steps and i figured out how to balance my recovery life, my work life and the rest of my life. i do not do that with any sort of perfection, but i do, do i with a bit of grace.
i was certainly sick and tired for far longer than i needed to be. as i consider how i feel today, where the pressing questions are what to eat, where to go, and what to see, i can feel the weight of the past fourteen months or so, starting to life. it is true my youngest cousin is not recovering from COVID and my Mom does not seem to want to be part of the living world. i still need to find a new job and seek a better understanding of who i am. all of that is still in play in my life, but just for right now, none of that matters. just for today, i am going to enjoy where i am, be present for my spouse and see what northern New Mexico has to offer.

∞ DT ∞