Blog entry for:

by looking over my past and realizing that i have changed and grown, i find hope for the future -- he best is yet to come.
the TENTH STEP and acceptance of my being human, sounds like what this reading is about this morning. what i hear though is the part about growing and changing, and that it is my experience that shapes who i am this morning. the HOPE in this message for mew is that,as i continue along the path of recovery, i can become the sort of person that i have always wanted to be.
ironically, i would have to say, that the sort of person who i am becoming does not match what i thought when i started this whole recovery gig, at least on the surface. it is more closely aligned to my dreams of early adolescence. which if you count the years i have been clean, seems to be where i am in my chronology. what i wanted to be in early recovery was free from the chains of the justice system and i got that freedom quite early along this path. in those days, i could not see anything more, and the changes that were wrought as a result of focusing solely on that goal were enough to open my eyes to the possibilities of what i might become, if i continued to choose to live in the manner handed down to me by my predecessors. so as i continues to take suggestions, as i continued to be somewhat willing, as i started to get honest and when i finally opened m,y mind, i discovered that there was a whole lot more than i ever imagined in store for this particular addict.
today, i find myself a crossroads once again. i am moving into one of the most active phases of my service life. over the next six months it is my responsibility to become a conduit of a great deal of information and to do so in an unbiased and nonjudgmental manner. being human, i know that bias is part of the package, and i also realize that the task of removing my bias is difficult at best, so in going back to the daily inventory part of the reading, i have the tool i need to gauge that goal and make improvements as i make mistakes. i know that thinking that i am not going to make a mistake or three is unrealistic, i just have to do my best with what i have today, and clean-up my messes afterwards. so it goes…
…yes i am still a convicted felon, perhaps some day i will have the desire to have that label removed,. today i do not have to act like a felon, nor do i have to act like the self-centered, self-entitled, self-absorbed person that i can be. no today i have hope that i can do better than that, after all, i am a better person than i was yesterday, and will be even better tomorrow!

∞ DT ∞