Blog entry for:

mistakes over and over again, is not what i signed up for, EVER! in active addiction, i had come to the conclusion that i was born under some sort of curse and i was doomed to make the same mistakes until the day i died. i came to a place where i accepted that was who i was and that was who i would be. after all, it was not my fault that i kept making the same mistakes, it was the fault of everyone and everything else. of course i had it upside down and backwards, but that realization would elude me for quite some time, even after i got clean.
when i finally started my recovery and actually started to live the steps, instead of letting life, live me. i came to see that although there were many things i certainly had no power over, there was a whole lot that i did, and the time to correct my course was upon me. oh i still make mistakes to this day, in fact i am drifting into one right now by not applying myself to my current position. it was the mistake that led to my last job hunt and it feels the same right now, a year later. as this day wears on and as i work diligently over the next ten days, even though it is the “holiday” season, i need to remember that IF i want to keep my job, i NEED to apply myself and get a shit ton of work done before we go on release freeze.
moving on, i have rearranged the snow that fell on my sidewalk and now it is time to dress out and head to the Rec Center for a bit of “indoor” sweating to the oldies. i have my work set before me. i have made my plans for today, all i have to do now, is to knuckle down and work on fulfilling them. oh yeah, i also need to let go of being used by someone who purports to love me. they really do not seem to get that my life and my activities are as important as anyone else's and it is time to ask someone else to step up and help out, rather than giving them a free pass. my feelings about being used and abused will cause me to live in resentments and just for today, i am good with letting someone believe that they “own” my time because they are so fVcking helpless and hopeless. today i am neither of those and i can walk with my head held high that i will not allow anyone to make me their doormat.

∞ DT ∞