โ i strive for improvement and measure my success โ
Posted: Tue, Nov 18, 2014 08:00:24 AM
by comparing who i used to be with who i am now.
who i used to be? an interesting contrast and quite the exercise, and one that i do not have a whole lot of time for today. no what came up for me today, as i sat quietly was a theme that has been going on for more than a few days now. no not my using ex-sponsee calling me at all hours of the night, although i slept through two of his calls very early this morning. no, what i have been trying to come to terms with is the prayer part of STEP ELEVEN. if as i am coming to realize their is no intelligence as i can conceive of it, as part of the POWER that fuels my recovery, what exactly am i praying to, and why am i still praying to IT? that is certainly something my sponse and i will need to consider, as i start to move into STEP ELEVEN. i was struck by the absurdity of it last night as i was praying to that POWER, thanking IT for another day clean, and the thought train that started in that moment of internal irony, was picked up this morning and has been moved forward as well. ironic or not, i guess until more has been revealed to me, i will keep doing EVERYTHING that has kept me clean to date, including prayer, as the meditation part is a slam dunk.
anyhow, i am running late this morning so very quickly: superstition, functional fixity or just taking direction: regardless of what label i put on it, the time has come to start to look at what IT is, and how I will improve my conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
who i used to be? an interesting contrast and quite the exercise, and one that i do not have a whole lot of time for today. no what came up for me today, as i sat quietly was a theme that has been going on for more than a few days now. no not my using ex-sponsee calling me at all hours of the night, although i slept through two of his calls very early this morning. no, what i have been trying to come to terms with is the prayer part of STEP ELEVEN. if as i am coming to realize their is no intelligence as i can conceive of it, as part of the POWER that fuels my recovery, what exactly am i praying to, and why am i still praying to IT? that is certainly something my sponse and i will need to consider, as i start to move into STEP ELEVEN. i was struck by the absurdity of it last night as i was praying to that POWER, thanking IT for another day clean, and the thought train that started in that moment of internal irony, was picked up this morning and has been moved forward as well. ironic or not, i guess until more has been revealed to me, i will keep doing EVERYTHING that has kept me clean to date, including prayer, as the meditation part is a slam dunk.
anyhow, i am running late this morning so very quickly: superstition, functional fixity or just taking direction: regardless of what label i put on it, the time has come to start to look at what IT is, and how I will improve my conscious contact with the POWER that fuels my recovery.
∞ DT ∞