Blog entry for:

i can with what i have and today, that best can be a bit better than yesterday, and much better than when i walked into the rooms. ironically, now that i think about it, my choice of **can** rather than **will,** reflects a choice that goes beyond the lazy manner in which i copy and paste from my source material. i have the ability to change that verb, to something many of my peers would consider a more “positive” take on this material. they are the same ones that struggle with the word “try” in one of our readings. to me, the word can means that i have the ability to do a task. so doing my best i have the ability to do, today is a better way of expressing my entry into the world. i believe it would be a sign of hubris to state that i WILL do something, whether or not i have the ability to do so. of course that is all word salad and way beyond what i heard this morning as i dipped into the void.
this just happen to be the anniversary of the date that one of my peers walked off with something that was more valuable to me, than i realized. i did not realize that, until i sat down to pound this out and as i did, i have realized that even though i have forgiven the thief for making me chase them down, i still hold a small grudge against them. every time they show up at my home group, it takes a great effort not to bring it up. it is a good thing, this reading was not the topic at our meeting on Saturday,m as i probably would have lost my reserve and shared directly at them. i have to look at that as a sign of being just that much better than i was yesterday and of a bit of spiritual growth.
this morning, sitting here waiting for the sun to come up and the temperature to drop as low as it is going to go, i wonder if it might be better to head out to the gym, instead of this frosty morning. i am in the mood to do absolutely nothing today and as a result, dragging my sorry ass around the ' for four miles just feels so very wrong. here is the part where “can” and “will” come in. i have the ability to do my workout in this chilly morn, but do i have the desire? the honest answer is not really, BUT, and it is certainly a big one, not doing so will wear on me as the day moves forward and bring out the judge, jury and executioner to exact punishment on myself for not doing what i actually do have the desire and ability to accomplish. the choice is mine, do follow my heart or follow my head, i have uncovered the fact that when i follow my heart, i am very seldom displeased with the results, just for today.

∞ DT ∞