Blog entry for:

i need something to hang onto, believe in, and give me hope in my recovery. well, i am writing this on the fly this morning as i have a trip to make down south and it snowed last night making my journey a bit more perilous, but i still need to write a bit before making that journey. you know the irony of this whole trust issue is that even though i would and did say that i trusted nothing when i came to recovery, that is not quite the truth. i trusted that was in the bag would do the trick at least for a few minutes. i trusted that my so-called friends would not cut the stuff they were getting for me beyond all recognition and i trusted that i would always figure out what to do, to get out of any jam that i happened to find myself in.
that being said, it is no wonder that here, where everything is based on trust, was the first place i ever found any trust issues. the members that were here before me, kept talking about mystical unseen forces that had transformed their lives, and i was not about to fall for any of that particular brand of insanity. no thank you very much, the insanity i knew and trusted was good enough for me. when i finally realized how desperate i was to stay out of prison, and that the only way that was going to happen was for me to stay clean, then and only then did i begin to let go of what i thought i knew and allow that modicum of HOPE to creep into my life.
yes, i still have a few trust issues, BUT i trust that the program will provide the tools i need to stay clean. i trust that a HIGHER POWER is looking out for me. and i trust that no matter what, i can choose another day in recovery.
so time to slide out of here and see how long it does take me to get where i am going this morning.

∞ DT ∞