Blog entry for:

in the fellowship who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.
having FAITH and having TRUST feel like two different creatures, although i can see how they are related. nevertheless, the reading although it started off about FAITH in my fellow members went on about growing the capacity to TRUST through practicing the principle of FAITH in the program.
before i go down this particular tangent, there is one i need to explore first, which may be related. there is a member, who with four years clean has yet to work even one step. he has however learned the language of recovery and equates his success at work with success in his program. in fact he stated the other night, that he felt working the steps too quickly was the cause of relapse of one of his friends. now all in all, this is really not dangerous, as i have seen that sooner or later, those who live this sort of program relapse, and come back with a vengeance to actually live in recovery. the danger lies in newcomers listening to what he is saying and taking it to heart, that working the steps are bad for long term recovery. i heard a newcomer say exactly that at a meeting last night, implying that what everyone else shared somehow made us less recovered, as we shared about REAL RECOVERY and not a word about how many promotions we had got, nor how we have new relationships nor any of the trappings of what the other 85% consider success. i can how easily a newcomer can think that we are sicker than that member, and i hope he learns to listen to those who are actually working and yes struggling to face life on its own terms, rather than the fluff the spin-masters sell as recovery.
that goes to the FAITH i have found in the recovery process. thousands before me have worked the steps, gotten relief from active addiction and demonstrated to me that there is life in active recovery, in fact it is beyond my wildest dreams. i have seen dozens go the other way, show up, stay clean, hang out without ever moving into active recovery and end-up gone from the rooms in a blink of an eye. as sad as it seems, there has not been an exception to this, yet. perhaps that well-intentioned member will be just that. since i am not a very good gambler, i choose to cast my lot with the thousands rather than the one. they are not only worthy of my trust, they demonstrate by their willingness to give me what they have gotten, that they are teaching me that i am worthy of being trusted as well. each time i do the next right thing, i earn that much more trustworthiness. each time i trust in the recovery of someone else, i gain that much more ability to trust in general, adding to my FAITH, that this recovery gig does work, if i allow it to. i also have FAITH that those who pose as some sort of recovery gurus will eventually have their covers blown, as it should be. how do i know this to be true? well it certainly is my story, for i know what it is like to be a poser, and have the reality of recovery hit me right between the eyes like some sort of laser beam. needless to say, i no longer have that notion as part of my identity. i am just one more addict doing his best to live a program of recovery, one day at a time. i can gratefully accept the trials as well as the gifts that life happens to hurl at me today, IF i allow the program to work in my life today. which i think the time has come to do.

∞ DT ∞