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Sun, Jan 31, 2021 01:33:16 PM


🌄 trusting myself 🌅
posted: Sun, Jan 31, 2021 01:33:16 PM

 

it is interesting, that as i sat, as i ran and as i started to get my thoughts down in bits and bytes, this is exactly what i heard. it has been several hours of daily living,. since i sat this morning, and yet this theme is still on the top of the stack. when i consider how duplicitous and dishonest i was when i came to recovery and how i tried to hide behind the wall of my denial for another eighteen months, it is no wonder that learning to trust myself, took such a long time. these days, i may not be a pillar of honesty in all of my affairs, but at least i know that when i look at myself, perhaps a bit too harshly, i know that i can trust that i am feeling what i am supposed to feel and for the better part of my day, making decisions that are worthy of my trust.
one of the the notions i am am having trouble “trusting” is continuing to wait for a FNG sponsee to come around and start reaching out to me. i am starting to feel that i am enabling him to scrape along the bottom, making excuses as to why he cannot “fit” into his life, instead of encouraging him to make his life fit his recovery. i can hear the sonic boom of “I KNOW,” coming. as much as i want to give away what i have been given, if that is not being freely accepted and implemented, what is the point? so i twist and turn indecisively. i know for me, i can move on and not use over it, but i am unsure what his reaction might be, if i cut him loose and of course, then his next use would be my fault. yeah, i have that much power. 🤣
i guess i will let go of all of that and take the dawg out for a walk, so i can get my steps and she can build up an appetite to finish her breakfast. i may not have cigars with a sponsee today, but i will stay clean. i know that i have the tools to be better than just “okay” today, all i have to do is trust myself to follow my heart, and not my head and who knows where this day will lead me.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

∞  who do i trust?  ∞ 283 words ➥ Monday, January 31, 2005 by: donnot
α a decision to trust α 732 words ➥ Tuesday, January 31, 2006 by: donnot
∞ learning to trust is a risky proposition. ∞ 493 words ➥ Wednesday, January 31, 2007 by: donnot
∞ now that i am in recovery, trust is essential. ∞ 367 words ➥ Thursday, January 31, 2008 by: donnot
μ finding someone i can trust makes it easier to ask for help. μ 454 words ➥ Saturday, January 31, 2009 by: donnot
± in active addiction, i could not and would not trust myself ± 575 words ➥ Sunday, January 31, 2010 by: donnot
∫ just for today i will have faith in someone ∫ 663 words ➥ Monday, January 31, 2011 by: donnot
! i will decide to trust someone , 505 words ➥ Tuesday, January 31, 2012 by: donnot
∴ my past experience as a using addict has taught me ∴ 322 words ➥ Thursday, January 31, 2013 by: donnot
∑ most of all, i could not trust myself. ∑ 409 words ➥ Friday, January 31, 2014 by: donnot
ƒ i need something to hang onto, ƒ 517 words ➥ Saturday, January 31, 2015 by: donnot
😎 trust 😎 608 words ➥ Sunday, January 31, 2016 by: donnot
⊙ learning to ⊛ 870 words ➥ Tuesday, January 31, 2017 by: donnot
🎲 a risky proposition 🎲 864 words ➥ Wednesday, January 31, 2018 by: donnot
🛫 learning 🛬 419 words ➥ Thursday, January 31, 2019 by: donnot
🗦 something, 🗧 632 words ➥ Friday, January 31, 2020 by: donnot
🚶 my past experience 🚶 432 words ➥ Monday, January 31, 2022 by: donnot
😲 feeling 😌 525 words ➥ Tuesday, January 31, 2023 by: donnot
😶 having empathy 🤗 451 words ➥ Wednesday, January 31, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) He who devotes himself to learning (seeks) from day to day to increase
(his knowledge); he who devotes himself to the Tao (seeks) from day
to day to diminish (his doing).