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an interesting question on many levels. although i trust the program and GOD, i still balk at trusting other people. i have gotten better with this over time, but when it comes down to it, i still hold back. my trust is still conditional, i extend only enough of it to any one person, so the weapons they can use against me are limited. this attitude comes from the protective shell i so carefully constructed and maintained over the course of my active addiction, after all, what they do not know will not hurt me. this attitude will kill me in recovery and i realize this. i want to trust my sponsor completely, he has never betrayed my trust and he saw me when i was barely six months clean and trying my wings at area service. he has never been anything but kind and loving since those first days and has been more than open with me about the parts of his life that relate to what i have been going through. i can continue the excuses for pages and pages of ramblings but after just a moment of contemplation, i see them for what they are, lies i tell myself or as our literature so succinctly puts it -- A RESERVATION -- .
so in the long run, if i want to continue to grow and become the person GOD has planned, i will have to work harder at allowing people see me in all my glory -- warts and all, and trust someone with all my stuff all the time, working towards making my trust unconditional.
a big task ,but the rewards will be worth it.
&infin DT ∞