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my program may stay on Step Seven. i have not experienced a sudden, total relief from defects -- what i have experienced is a subtle shift in my perceptions of myself and others. well, this seems a highly appropriate reading for where i am today, starting to move on through the end of my seventh step. i am still feeling a bit weird and strange today, sort like the entire landscape has once again shifted under my feet and i am clueless as to where i am. as always, when i find myself in this sort of spot, what i usually do, is find something to provide a quick fix. well retail therapy did nothing to relieve this feeling, so not only has something shifted, i am no longer capable of ignoring it through a jaunt to the toy store. so it leaves me in a place of having to accept that i knew where i was, at the end of my seventh step, i know where i am going today, after some errands and a brief bit of cigar smoking, off to a weekend with my girl friend, and accpet that the rest of what is going on will be revealed, in my HIGHER POWER’s time. i have to live in FAITH, that what is going on, is exactly what needs to be going on, and accept that this landscape, unfamiliar as it is, will become home or will lead to my new home, spiritually anyhow. what i see my biggest task as today, is to allow this just to happen, and for me allowing stuff to happen just feels so counter-intuitive. living in FAITH seems counter-intuitive, and letting go of the results even more so. i can tell you this however, as counter-intuitive it may seem, my experience suggest that it is not only sufficient but necessary for me to grow in my recovery. today, at least right here and right now, i want to grow in my recovery so it is off to the task of letting go, growing a bit of FAITH and living in the mystical, touchy-feely place that i seem to need to live in today. it is after all, all about me, and if i can get through this, the chances of me harming myself and anyone else will be greatly reduced. and that is always a noble goal for this saddict today.

∞ DT ∞