Blog entry for:

those around me in a less critical way, begins when i see myself in a similar manner. it is true that there have been two people in my life with whom i have been highly critical, of late. the reading this morning, drives home the point that what i am seeing and commenting upon in them, is what i see in myself. denial of what i am, by deflecting into looking at the behaviors of others, is certainly one of my great parlor tricks to avoid the truth. what popped off the stack this morning was an appreciation for who i am and a sense of finally letting go and forgiving others for who they are. all of my critiques, valid or not, come from the process of redefining myself that started a little over a year ago. as long as i am treading on the shaky ground of not quite knowing who i am, i will find the away and means to distract myself from my own journey. lately those have included seeing others in a less than favorable light, seeking out their darkness, instead of celebrating their light. i am not saying that today, i change that path, but at least it was bubbled up to being forefront in my conscious decisions about how i react to the world around me.

Jim E
CONGRATS on ELEVEN (11) years clean.
Brian T.
SIX (6) years clean is awesome
Keep coming back.

I am far the paragon of virtue that i see myself as, from time to time. i am also far from the spiritually destructive cyclone, i often like to pretend i can be. the fact that i have lived with fear, loneliness, the loss of respect of my peers as a result of my self-willed actions and the notion of my mortality, means that i do understand what others are going through and can offer more than tea and sympathy, i can offer my experience, strength and hope, through loving empathy, when i step out of the way. as i step out to go to work this morning, i will remember that i am only human and that i am an addict in recovery. the world, as much as i like to define it as so, is not black and white, and living in the shades of grey is what i need to practice, just for today.

∞ DT ∞