Blog entry for:

is both about what i do and how i do it. my source material suggests that the **how** is more important than the **why** and as i sit and ponder that notion in this cool and cloudy spring morning, there is very little with which i can disagree. i can certainly state that the reason why i choose to live in this manner, is because it provides me real-time relief from self-obsession. it is more than a bit ironic, that someone such as myself who used to love to get approval and attention from everyone in my life, feels a bit “weird” writing about the “how” of living a spiritual life. it is not as if i have been freed from self-obsession, low self-esteem or my need to be acknowledged, but as i live a spiritual life, it seems that less and less i require or desire external influences to boost how i feel. HMMMMM! 🤔 before i go down this path:

Brian T,
CONGRATS on VIII (8) years clean!

as i consider the implementation of spiritual principles in my life, of course my internal judge, jury and executioner cannot help to gleefully point out my failures in the recent past with respect to my niece. of course, here is where the excuse fly about character defects being triggered, personal attacks being deflected and minimizing the pain of being less than perfect. the reality is, that i have worked more than one SEVENTH STEP and i have the tools to choose how to respond, rather than react. and yet here i am, at the start of another day forty-eight hours after having to deal with her, still lamenting my less than perfect behavior. i finally get that i cannot forgive anyone else, until i accept that i am human, i do not like having my will thwarted and i act out, when i find myself in that situation, time and again. from that acceptance come the opportunity to forgive myself for all that momentary lapse of reason created, own my wrongs and move along in as a responsible member of society.
looking at my life through the lens of the TENTH and ELEVENTH Steps this mourning, i can see that on the scale of “good” vs “evil” i am heavily favored on the former, rather than the latter. there may be a formal amends in the making, but just for today, i will walk out into this world, knowing that i am a frail human doing my best to follow in the footsteps of the spiritual giants who have left a trail of hope behind them. it is certainly a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞