Blog entry for:

makes me think that maybe, some day, i will **understand.** humility and empathy are not on the top of my list, when i inventory my spiritual self. of course, i do not see myself through the same lens as everyone else, and my rose-coloured glasses, are darker than they need to be.
this morning, as the shock of the sudden departure of our house guest wears off, i see that i really did not **get** what they were trying to tell me. all i saw was the manipulation, game-playing and deceit, and i missed that what they most wanted was connection. i purposefully, kept myself from connecting, mostly to protect me from the hurt that i forecast was coming. that was a behavior i thought was long gone and it surprised me that when i looked at my part over the past few months, i kept an emotional distance on par with how i treated the world, way back when. i guess today is a good day to blow the dust off my step work and start moving forward.
here are a couple of glimmers of HOPE from a few men i have let into my heart:

Brian T.
Congrats on FOUR (4) years clean, today.
my bad for shorting you a year!
Hope to see you soon.

Jim E.
Nine (9) years clean today!
Congrats my friend, glad you came around and stayed.

on that note, it is time to connect with my peers at my home group. as much as i hate to admit it, this social isolation is making me “crazy” better put, i am making myself crazy over a situation i have no power in. i did not start this pandemic and all i can do, is what they keep telling me to do, stay home and do my job.
the one thing i have plenty of time to do in these times, is take care of myself. walking, step work, honing my job skills and doing my best to be present for those who are still part of my life, are certainly tasks that i can set to doing. today, just for today, that can be a plan of action, i can choose to implement, or not. i did not volunteer for lock-down, but i am a volunteer for the misery i manufacture as a result.

∞ DT ∞